Party Favors
by Sos7
Summary: Kurt really doesn't like sloppy drunks. They are such turnoffs.


Title: Party Favors

Author: pinch5

Summary: Kurt really doesn't like sloppy drunks, they are such turn offs.

Pairing: Puck/Kurt

Warnings: Underage drinking, swearing, spoilers for 'Blame it on the Alcohol

Notes: Blaine's conduct at that party was not cute.

Kurt sighed as he watched the chaos unfold around him. Drunks were just not cute. Not to say he hadn't ever gotten drunk before (he would like to forget that awful vomiting incident, thank you very much) but drunks were just so messy. Kurt was on both sides of the fence here. For one, he was glad he didn't drink, he could take pictures of all of his silly friends and post them on facebook however, while sober everything was stale and boring. Kurt sighed as he catalogued the drunks around him. Tina and Mercedes were his favorite kind of drunks. Happy and laughing and just so very entertaining. Tina looked like she was having the best damn time and Mercedes was living it up right beside her. Kurt raised and eyebrow as Artie wheeled over to him, Brittany's shirt around his shoulders.

"Yo, my man. Got any singles on you?"

Kurt smiled and tossed some singles at him, laughing as Artie winked and wheeled back to Brittany who was a very good amateur stripper. A party girl drunk, Kurt tilted his head to the side; Brittany had some very bouncy breasts. Kurt wondered if swinging them around like that hurt, they were attached to her chest. Kurt rolled his eyes at his own thoughts; she was drunk, what the hell did she care? Kurt turned his head as he heard a loud keening cry. It was Santana who was, unfortunately, a sad drunk. Sad drunks were just so very…unsanitary. They would cry all over you, getting spittle and liquor all over your sleeves. Kurt shuddered at the thought of it. Kurt made a mental note to never drink when Santana was around, he just couldn't deal with the dry cleaning bill. Kurt turned back as he watched Rachel flutter over to Finn, who looked just as bored as he was. Rachel draped herself over him, her Southern Bell dress, falling like a cheap drape. For some reason Kurt always thought Rachel would be a sad drunk, she seemed to have all these pent up emotions waiting to burst out. Preferably into tears, he supposed. Rachel always seemed too independent to be a needy drunk; it was embarrassing, Kurt was truly glad he decided to stay sober.

Kurt raised his eyebrows as Puck basically got pushed between two very angry drunks. Quinn did honestly seem like a very angry person deep inside. She did have many, many problems and from what Kurt had heard from Mercedes, had just been dumped by Sam Evans, Sam Evans who had an abnormal face to mouth ratio and knew how to be elf or wizard or something. How embarrassing. However, when Kurt thought about it, all of Quinn's problems were her own fault, the pregnancy (Come on, alone with Puck and booze what ever shall you do?) and the break up ( Cheating on the ken to your Barbie with Finn, so lame).

"I used to have Abs!"

Kurt rolled his eyes, so she had a pretty impressive 6-pack, no need to get violent. Puck's newest interest was a mystery. Even while in McKinley, he didn't bother to learn anything about Lauren Zizes, other than she was a big girl who was on the wrestling team. Nothing important to him. Now he knew 2 things about her: 1-She was on the wrestling team and 2-She was an angry drunk.

Kurt jumped in surprise as Rachel shouted something about spin the bottle. Kurt rolled his eyes, how incredibly juvenile. Though, there was a big chance he could end up kissing Blaine… Kurt looked around for Blaine and found the Dalton student downing a whole bottle of Vodka. Kurt frowned; he didn't want to kiss a walking bar, no matter how cute he was. Kurt sighed; of course Blaine was a sloppy drunk. It's always the quiet ones. Kurt watched as the Glee club got situated in a circle. Kurt lurched forward as he felt a heavy weight on his back and warm, sticky breath on the nape of his neck.

"Aren't you gonna play Kurt? This game is fun!"

Kurt pushed Blaine off of his back and onto the floor. As cute as he was, breathing on him like that was inexcusable.

"No, no Blaine. You go ahead; I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

Kurt watched with a small smile as Kurt dragged himself into the circle, across from Rachel. Kurt checked the time on his watch, he really wanted to shower and take a nice long nap. He deserved it. Kurt raised an eyebrow as Puck sat down next to him, a pair of glasses perched on his nose.

"Something wrong Puck?"

Puck shrugged and pushed the glasses back on his nose "Nah just ain't feeling it."

Kurt gave Puck a small smile at that "A party animal like you turning down the option to kiss all these lovely young ladies? Are you sick or something?"

Puck turned and stuck his tongue out at Kurt. "Ha-ha, very funny."

Kurt smiled and tapped the glasses on Puck's face "Cute glasses, I didn't know you needed them."

Puck smiled and moved closer to Kurt because not only did he not smell like booze and sweat, he was looking pretty cute tonight.

"These aren't mine; I have a great pair of glasses that are straight out of 'When Nerds Attack'"

Kurt raised an eyebrow and let out a small laugh "Square and thick rimmed? Dork glasses are adorable!"

Puck flopped himself over Kurt's shoulder, he himself being a damn cuddly drunk. "Adorable? Nah, I look so fucking hot with them on."

Kurt patted Puck's head softly and turned his head back to the spin the bottle game "I'm sure look you hot in anything Puck."

Kurt let out a choked yell as he was suddenly knocked over by 150 pounds of Jewish muscle, Puck had decided that Kurt calling him hot was a code for 'snuggle me to death'. Puck wrapped his arms tight around Kurt's middle and smiled happily.

"You're so nice to me Hummel. You're such a good friend. Oh man, this shirt is so soft."

Kurt nodded and pushed Puck back into sitting position and away from him, only to have Puck grab his arm and drag him on top.

"No Hummel, we should cuddle. I know you like to cuddle; you're too soft to not cuddle. Oh man, this is awesome."

Kurt grimaced as he felt Puck rub his nose on his sleeve "Fine Puck, we can cuddle, just keep your bodily fluids to yourself. This shirt can only be dry cleaned so many times before it stops being cuddly."

Puck gripped Kurt tighter and shook his head "No man, you can never stop being cuddly. You are like a cuddle God, I wanna worship you Hummel."

Kurt rolled his eyes and turned to face the game in Puck's arms "That's nice Puck."

Kurt couldn't help his eyes as Blaine and Rachel locked lips for the longest while. Maybe this was why Blaine wasn't interested in him, because he was straight. Or maybe he was just a drunk whore, who knows.

"Oh man Hummel you're so tense. Do you need a massage so you can be all soft again?"

Kurt immediately went lax in Puck's arms "No! Not necessary, I'm all soft again, see?"

Puck let out a happy sigh and buried his nose in Kurt's hair "Hummel, oh my god, Hummel. You're hair smells _amazing_. Like rainbows and grapes and sunshine."

Kurt couldn't help but sit up on Puck.

"Really Puck? Rainbows and sunshine? How much have you had to drink?"

Puck smiled at him "You forgot grapes Hummel, rainbows and grapes and sunshine."

Kurt smiled and moved to get off of Puck "I think Finn needs to get you home and in bed before you start telling me I'm a fairy princess."

Puck let out a whine and grabbed Kurt's waist, plopping him right back down to where he was before "No! Finn's car smells like cheese and death."

"Death?"

Puck sat up buried his head in Puck's shirt "You need to take me home Kurt, I could cuddle you all night long. That would be so awesome."

Kurt smiled; Puck was his new favorite drunk. He was just so adorable, who knew someone as thick headed as Puck could be so cute? Kurt pulled Puck's head out of his chest and smiled down at him "I think you've had too much to drink, you called me Kurt and you asked me to take you home. I'm going to get Finn."

Kurt managed to squirm away from Puck's very grabby hands and pulled Finn away from the circle.

"Puck's so drunk it's hilarious, you should take him home."

Finn made a pained face and let out a whine "I don't want too. He so affectionate, it passes boundaries that bro's should never cross. Dude, he told me that my voice gives kitten's wings. You take him home; I never want to hear anything like that ever again."

Kurt shook his head and looked back and Puck who was pouting on the couch, holding a pillow.

"Oh but he's so adorable! He said my hair smelled like rainbows and sunshine. He should be like this all the time!"

Kurt turned back to see Finn's horrified face. Kurt rolled his eyes "Sorry, for a second there I forgot who I was talking to. Sure I'll take him home. Right now he's like a male Brittany and I am so for that."

Finn gave him a strong pat on the back, making him lurch forward "Just remember if he starts singing Katy Perry, he's about to puke."

Kurt smiled, this was just too much.

"He sings Katy Perry? That is so cute!"

Finn rolled his eyes with a small smirk "Yeah, sure. See you at home."

Kurt walked back to Puck, who latched onto him as soon as he was in arms reach.

"Kurt, thank goodness you're back. Rachel's pillows smell like menthol and sadness."

Kurt smiled and rubbed Puck's shoulders "I'm sure they do. Let's go baby, I'll take you home."

"You're taking me home with you? I bet your bed smells like chocolate and love."

Kurt petted Puck's head "Oh no, baby you're going back to your house."

Puck let out a whine and wrapped his arms tighter around Kurt "No, Kurt! Take me home with you!"

Kurt smiled and relented "Okay, but don't puke in my car!"

Puck smiled cutely "I promise!"

Kurt smiled and walked all the way to the coat closet whilst Puck was attached to his waist and found their coats. Kurt slipped on his pea coat easily and watched as Puck swayed drunkenly as he put on his own jacket.

Kurt led Puck up the stairs and out the door to his car. Kurt deposited Puck in the backseat, where he splayed himself wildly. Kurt hopped into the driver's seat and started up his car. He really didn't want Puck to puke in his car. His dad would kill him.

"Kurt you have the best car, it's like a magic spaceship with wheels."

"Of course it is Puck."

Fortunately for him, Rachel only lived a mile or so away, making the trip delightfully short.

Kurt parked in the driveway and pulled Puck out of the car.

"Puck you have to be extra quiet. Dad and Carole are sleeping. Shh."

Puck nodded and put a finger to his lips, miming silence. Kurt opened the front door quickly, holding tight to Puck who seemed to get more unsteady the closer they got to bed. When Kurt did finally reach his room, Puck walked in and collapsed on his bed.

"Oh man, I was so wrong. Your bed smells like heaven and cotton candy and clouds and beauty. I love this bed so much, Kurt. I really do."

Kurt shook his head "I'm sure you do."

Kurt took off his coat and hung it up in his closet. Kurt rolled Puck over onto his back and took off his jacket.

"No shoes in my bed Puck."

Puck kicked off his shoes, one of them landing across the room near his door.

Kurt went into the bathroom and changed into a pair of blue silk pajamas. Kurt sat down at his vanity and took a good long look at his skin. He could go one night without his skin routine. It wouldn't kill him.

Kurt walked out of the bathroom to find Puck curled up under his sheets, snoring softly. Kurt slipped into bed next to him, keeping a little space between them for Puck's sake. Puck was drunk, not gay. It didn't matter to Puck because his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist yet again and drew him into his chest.

"So soft…"

Kurt drifted off to sleep as well, it had been a long night.

Kurt woke up a 6 AM, Dalton's schedule messing up his internal clock. Kurt sat up and looked to the side. Puck was still there, but now he was topless. How weird. Kurt slid out of bed and went of to the bathroom to start his skin care routine. He had all the time to massage out those pesky bags under his eyes.

Kurt looked was just finishing up his moisturizer+anti wrinkle cream rub when his dad walked into his room, needing help with breakfast.

"I'll be right there dad!" He called out.

"What?" His dad sounded confused so Kurt stuck his head out of the archway and repeated himself "I said I'll be right there."

Burt looked between the bed and Kurt and nearly dropped the cookbook in surprise when Noah Puckerman sat up from under Kurt's covers, naked and moaned out.

"Where am I?"

Burt swallowed the surprise and stammered out "Uh, I'll just leave you two alone."

Burt closed the door quickly and ran back down the stairs.

Kurt looked at the door in confusion. "That was really weird."

Puck looked at Kurt and flopped back on the bed "Oh man, what happened last night?"

Kurt smirked and crossed his arms "Oh, last night was amazing…."


End file.
